Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Rules of Engagement for Diners Part 2

The salads and appetizers arrive. The wine the server suggested is perfect and enjoyable. The empty plates are removed, the server pours more wine and then the main course arrives. The plates look lovely and smell delicious; the diners eagerly cut into their food and enjoy their first bite. "Darling, how is your fish?" he asks, "It's fabulous and how is yours?" He chews a little, looks down at his steak makes a face and says "It's ok, a little overcooked, but oh well, you never get what you want anyway, do you." The server gives them a moment to take a few bites and returns to the table to inquire "And how is everything? Is the meal prepared to your liking?" The diners respond enthusiastically, he only a little less so than she, "Yes, everything is fantastic." He eats about half of his meal and pushes the plate aside and continues to enjoy his wine while his date finishes her meal, nearly mopping the plate with bread. The server returns when he senses they have finished, picks up the plates, notices the half eaten steak and wonders to himself what happened?" He hasn't asked for it to be wrapped up to go? He said it was just
fine? He looks at the steak, realizes that it was not cooked correctly and returns to the kitchen wishing he could have fixed the problem earlier because now a good experience has been compromised, and so has his tip.

Rule Three: If it's wrong, tell someone. Nobody likes a martyr--nobody, not even a martyr. Your friends might try and make you feel better about your misfortune, but what they are really thinking is fix it, don't let the man get you down, ask for what you want. Unfortunately popular culture makes it seem as though your food is going to be spit in or worse if you complain. I can tell you, in 20 years of restaurant service never have I or the staff I've worked with spit in, or worse, someone's food when that person just asked for what they wanted. Be a rude, obnoxious, know it all prick and I'll throw your food on the floor, season it with secret sauce and cheer you on to eat. Kindly ask for what you want or let us know that we have made a mistake, and I'll do my best to give you what you want. Generally speaking the people you encounter in the service industry want to make you happy. Their financial well being depends on it. Seriously.

The server returns to the table and recites the dessert list emphasizing his favorites. The couple confers for a moment and then decides on the chocolate crème brulee. The server asks if they would like anything else with their dessert. They respond that no, they will just finish the wine. Bearing two glasses of port and dessert, the server returns to the table "Please enjoy this 10 year tawny port with my compliments." He places the crème brulee on the table with two spoons and the port. She says, "Oh no, I don't want any port," and scrunches up her nose in distaste.

Rule Four: Free is free. When offered something for free, consider it a gift. You would never tell a friend giving you a gift that you don't want it, you may say so in private, but you certainly would not to their face. Treat your server the same way. Accept it as a gift, treat it as such. Enjoy if you wish, leave on the table untouched if you are not interested. Or just try it, you may find that it is absolutely delicious with the crème brulee. (Of course, if you are not drinking and your server tries to fix a problem with a drink, that's not so good, but following what has happened so far during this meal, offering port as a 'pardon us for screwing up' gift is perfectly appropriate.)

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